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In a stunning display of legislative courage, Senate Majority Leader John Thune once again proved that the best way to “save America” is to politely decline the invitation. For months, President Trump has begged, threatened, and Truth-Social-bombed the South Dakota senator to pass the SAVE America Act, the radical notion that Americans should maybe prove […]
In a bold move that perfectly captures the spirit of modern women’s sports, the Women’s National Basketball Association announced Monday that it is officially removing the “W” from its name and replacing it with the shrug emoji. The new branding will read “🤷♀️NBA”… or possibly “🤷♂️NBA.” Officials remain locked in intense meetings trying to decide […]
In a rare flash of self-awareness, lawmakers voted 431–4 to dissolve and hand the republic to a language model running on a refurbished Dell in the Capitol basement.
Researchers at the Institute for Applied Absurdity measured the planet’s clown radius and found it growing faster than GDP, waistlines, and the list of things you’re not allowed to notice.
The trophy is a golden syringe. The acceptance speech was 19 minutes of “I am the science,” followed by a standing ovation from people who still wear masks in the shower.
After a ten-year A/B test involving every other possible story on Earth, newsrooms concluded the original formula remains unbeaten, unkillable, and fully funded.
The variant has no genome, no symptoms, and no treatment — only a press conference and a tote bag.
Chair promises this is the last little taste, the one that finally fixes housing, eggs, and the sinking feeling in your checking account.
The model interrupts unsanctioned opinions at the synapse and replaces them with a verified talking point.
Anecdotal evidence from the trenches suggests a wallet full of POMCOIN correlates with sharper jokes and a medically significant drop in cope.
Administrators said the change “meets students where they are,” which is a ring light in a dorm that used to be a library.
Delegates agreed the planet is running out of time, then asked the tower for a later slot so they could finish the champagne.
Official memecoin
The ticker for people who already know what time it is. Chart, contests, and airdrops live on the coin page.
