NASHVILLE — Taylor Swift announced Tuesday that she is Patient Zero of an unnamed illness and will immediately stop releasing music and attending Kansas City Chiefs games.
The news arrived when a countdown on her website hit 2 p.m. ET. Fans who had been decoding zeros in her Instagram bio instead received a medical bulletin.
“I’ve been impatiently waiting to tell you that my brand new single ‘Patient Zero’ will be out on September 25,” Swift posted. Sources say the “single” is her discharge paperwork.
Doctors have not named the condition, only that it appeared after her July wedding and spreads quickly among people who use 12 exclamation points. Symptoms include inability to drop albums, empty seats at Arrowhead, and a sudden need to sell $3.99 collector CDs of acoustic and piano versions of one’s own diagnosis.
A Chiefs spokesperson said her suite will stay vacant. “Travis is taking it well,” the team added. “He pre-ordered the piano version.”
Analysts now believe The Life of a Showgirl and her Toy Story 5 song were early symptoms.
Limited CDs ship October 13. Wash your hands after handling them. No deluxe edition of the illness has been confirmed.