Politics 2 min read
Step 9 was apologizing to his phone. Step 12 is helping others put the phone in another room.
A suburban man celebrated 30 days without refreshing a poll aggregator, calling it “harder than dry January and twice as spiritual.” His sponsor is a retired weatherman who already accepted that forecasts are a vibe.
Doctors say poll-checking activates the same circuitry as slot machines, except the jackpot is being slightly more miserable with better charts.
Lawmakers called the day “redundant,” “emotionally hostile,” and “a scheduling error left over from the last administration.”
Aides say twelve lawmakers can now smile at once without anyone having to stand next to anyone.
Reporters say the cannon “stays on message” and “doesn’t pivot to infrastructure.”
