Politics 2 min read
Reporters say the cannon “stays on message” and “doesn’t pivot to infrastructure.”
The briefing room has never been happier. In lieu of answers, the administration now fires biodegradable confetti at any question containing the words “when,” “why,” or “follow-up.” Networks called it “refreshing.”
One correspondent tried a question about the budget. The cannon jammed, which analysts interpreted as a leak.
Lawmakers called the day “redundant,” “emotionally hostile,” and “a scheduling error left over from the last administration.”
Aides say twelve lawmakers can now smile at once without anyone having to stand next to anyone.
Step 9 was apologizing to his phone. Step 12 is helping others put the phone in another room.
