GENEVA — The World Health Organization announced a novel variant Friday that cannot be sequenced, cultured, or found, but can be blamed on anyone who went to a birthday party in 2021.
Designated B.1.YOU, the variant’s defining feature is moral superiority. “If you are reading this, you are probably the outbreak,” a spokesperson said, adjusting a mask that covered neither nose nor doubt.
Recommended countermeasures include two masks while chewing, a booster for your booster, and a moment of silence for the six feet you failed to give a spreadsheet.
Member states were urged to purchase a new round of signage. The signs will say the same thing as the last signs, which officials called “reassuring continuity.”
Satire. If you read this as a press release, please sit down and drink some water.