WASHINGTON — The Federal Reserve announced it would print “just one more” stimulus package this quarter, a phrase economists now classify as a renewable resource.
It is the 47th consecutive quarter in which the last little taste has been required to “cross the bridge,” “smooth the landing,” or “avoid looking at the landing.” The new money will be used to make the old money feel better about itself.
Asked how this differs from the previous 46 last times, the Chair said the difference is “this time we really mean it, and also the printer is already warm.”
Retail traders celebrated by buying assets that go up when money dies. A man in Ohio paid $19 for a box of cereal and was told he was imagining it.
Satire. If you read this as a press release, please sit down and drink some water.