WASHINGTON — The Federal Reserve announced Thursday that it would stop publishing a numeric federal funds rate and instead set policy to “vibes,” a qualitative target described as “somewhere between spicy and whatever your uncle is yelling about at dinner.”
In a brief statement, the central bank said traditional tools had become “too precise for an economy powered by screenshots.” Going forward, the rate will be communicated via a single word on the building’s ticker, mood lighting in the Eccles Building, and a weekly playlist.
Markets surged, then slumped, then asked a group chat what it meant. One hedge fund manager called the decision “the most honest guidance we’ve had in years.” Another was seen lighting sage next to a Bloomberg terminal.
When asked how small businesses should plan, a Fed governor shrugged in a way analysts later graded as moderately hawkish. Mortgage rates are expected to follow “the energy in the room.”
