MENLO PARK — A coalition of platforms unveiled ThoughtGuard, an on-device model that fact-checks cognition in real time and gently steers it toward “the current thing, but make it kind.”
In a demo, a volunteer attempted to think the sentence “maybe the last five years were a bit much.” The model intervened with a push notification: This claim lacks context. Have you considered clapping?
Company lawyers stressed that ThoughtGuard is optional, in the same sense that having a phone number is optional if you would like to keep your bank account.
Beta testers said they feel calmer, quieter, and unable to remember what they were going to say. One engineer called it “the end of misinformation and, coincidentally, the end of information.”
Satire. If you read this as a press release, please sit down and drink some water.