In a surprise press conference held under a striped tent, Dr. Anthony Fauci announced the formation of the Sovereign Clown State of Fauciland, complete with a red nose, immunity from questions, and a flag featuring a microscope wearing floppy shoes.
“Science is settled until I unsettle it,” the Clown Monarch declared, while aides juggled conflicting PowerPoint slides. “Any attempt to quote me from 2020 is an act of war under the Geneva Clownvention.”
The State Department confirmed it is reviewing the claim. “We already treat several federal agencies as self-governing clown principalities,” an unnamed diplomat admitted. “This is just making it official.”
Citizens of Fauciland will be required to double-mask during birthday parties and seek prior authorization before developing natural immunity. Dissenters will be sentenced to eternal Zoom webinars.
When asked about accountability, His Clownship blew a party horn and vanished into a cloud of confetti labeled “trust the experts.”
